Hope

Sometimes you traverse down a path,
Unknown to your senses, but you still kept walking it.
At times, it feels nothing.
No air, no wind, just in the world of nothingness,
but you and your soul braving it with everything you have got.
There are times, when it feels like you have given all you have,
With very little left of hope in the empty cup, you hold on to, all these times.
Just simply waiting for that ray of sunlight to peak from the skies
and energizing you with strength to conquer life’s battles in your journey.

©SheJoy

Battle Scar

I used to dream that everyone

would be happy.

A place filled with no hatred,

no chaos, and no pain.

Somehow, the freedom to dream 

all went down stream.

All washed away in the waters,

not even reflecting its remnants.

What once was a dream,

now became dark.

Darkest skies I shall say,

not even a speck of light

shining through.

A storm has just arrived.

And it comes with a loud cry.

The cry of angst,

like endless thunder

rumbling through the night.

Many storms shall pass,

but a certain storm will stay.

It stays inside of my flesh,

remaining dormant until shaken.

Once outside, it produces tears

like rain falling from the skies.

With painful thoughts,

haunting me all over again.

Wishing I could let the words out, 

but to remain silent is the route,

for this battle scar will never be won.

Missing Home

The humid air welcomes me,

as I stepped outside of the airport.

Welcome to Manila!

Memories etched on stones.

Where a whole part of me has never left.

 

 

Laughter fills the air as conversations were made. 

The kitchen boasts an aroma of traditional dishes.
The table is filled with our favorite foods,
all ready for a feast.
All made with hands that have missed us all these years.

Outside, the orchids bloomed in mom's garden.

The beauty within these orchids,

so full of life and God's love.

 

I still recall the many times,

I stood in the rain and just let it pour on me.

It was like being baptized all over again.

Raindrops falling on me,

cleansing me inside and out.

My fears washed away,

a renewal of my own self.

The house stood still from the outside.

Same as it was when we first moved in 1994.

It rattles my brain with memories of my childhood.

Running around the garden, until I fell flat on my face.

Falling from the stairs for they were steep.

The living room where mom and her sisters would gather every weekend.

The weekends filled with music and karaoke,

where I worked on developing the gift of singing

with the presence of my aunts.
The same place where I would sleep at times,

for the marbled floors cooled my body during the night.

In the end, the last place I recall of the interiors,

before bidding good bye when going back to our lives abroad.

Crosses

Eyes bloodshot red

from crying intensely of pain.

Too many storms have passed,

and still a heavy heart is existent.

The crosses are like a boulder 

on my back, increasing weight,

as I climb up the mountain top. 

The pain is so much to bear,

but silence comes with patience

to withstand it all.

Should a rainbow appear,

will I find my inner peace

with that pot of gold in the end?

Death of Friendship

There is that hole

piercing through my heart,

with pain from over a year ago.

A pain that has made me incomplete,

like a puzzle missing waiting to be complete.

At times, weakness strikes with no warning,

making me fall to my knees.

My hands clasping my head so tight,

that I no longer feel the same,

rather a stranger walking around 

some foreign place.

My heart is as cold as death,

numb with lidocaine.

Unable to feel the beauty, 

joys, laughter, and love.

All that is there, sorrow.

Sorrow for the pain inflicted upon me, 

like a knife stabbing me from behind.

Pronouncing death over many memories
of a genuine friendship that is no longer existent.

Bare

I want you to come a little closer

Listen to my heart and soul

Open another side of me to

Bare myself and who I am

Underneath it all.

Watch me move mountains.

To the skies I dance,

with the wind moving my body

gracefully, as I twirl happily 

to the music surrounding me.

Listen to my voice,

for they will speak from the depths of my soul.

My words will fill you up,

with what goes on underneath my skin. 

It comes running through my veins,

my silence, 

I hid from the world

waiting to bare it all from my heart.


©SheJoy

Young Love

There was a time I could recall, a time I recall that I was in love.

In love like seeing sparks flying in the moonlit night,

that I could vanish many moons away into the still of the night.

Then there were those days when I would be playful

playing hide-and-seek after class because I wanted you to chase me

to chase me in between classes.

Although I knew, the sole purpose was to hide from you,

and to duck away from your big hugs that engulfed my body, every time I saw you.

Then there were those times on the phone,

on the phone I would be talking about my day.

Then suddenly bursting into some song whatever comes my way.

Singing songs to you straight from the heart,

hoping to brighten your day with the sound of my voice.

Then ending it, with who hangs up first with a million times of I LOVE YOU.

Until one of us hung up bidding the world adieu.

The Name

What's in a name?

A name that rings, softly in my ears.

Like bells chiming when the wind blows.

A name that only reminds me of you.

The individual that makes my heart smile inside

At one simgle glimpse of you.

Seeing you,

my heart skips a beat when you are around.

Making me feel so conscious,

Of everything I do second by second.

Your precious smile, that you wear daily.

With those jeans and tee, you rock so simply.  

Reflecting your simplicity and individuality.

Your genuine personality,

God-fearing with authenticity for Him.

Filled with passion, setting hearts on fire

with your love for Him.

© SHEJOY19

The Candle

Life is short.

One never knows when the time is burnt.

The flames that were once aglow,

now ends, wax melting low.

The fire lit for the duration of life,

ablaze creating memories daily with love,

withers away when flames are blown.

Like a wind, 

blowing the flames instantly without being warned.

Another flame of the candles vanishes into thin air.

At times, creating a sudden shock within familiar faces.

Creating a somber mood,

filled with indescribable thoughts of such untimely occurrence.

That death is never predictable,

rather it can be untimely or within it's own reasonable time frame.

1110-1130

 © SHEJOY19

Idealism

Many say friends come and go.

I think, we all grow apart and let go.

Every individual wants to feel loved.

I think, everyone is loved by God.

Others feel alone, searching for the one.

I think, God is still molding the one in heaven.

Some fall apart, when humps of life spring up along the way.

I think, others find the strength to jump it along the way.

Most rise up from falling on their knees.

I think most rise up because of faith from the heavens,

Glorifying His name during the toughest obstacle encounters in life.

 © SHEJOY19

Invisible

There are most days that I long to be

Invisible to the unaided eye,

The world wherein I succumb to the still silence

Pondering so many unanswered questions within my heart

Feeling misunderstood at the thoughts

I take out of my mouth to be heard,

But only mistaken for drama.

I sought to get back up again.

To make it be known

that those words were authentic

From deep within my heart.

Words, that I've held on for so long,

that it has aged like an antique furniture.

Afraid to gather dust,

I speak the words with my mouth

Wanting it to be heard.

To resound from the depths of my soul.

To reach those who have been etched in my mind.

To hear such truth put forth

during the times I lay awake in bed.

Feeling invisible to the world,

with the things I've held on to in my silence for years

that only seem to break me apart

inch by inch

little by little

internally in my invisible ways.

 

© SHEJOY19

Through My Brown Eyes

If you could see through my brown eyes,
You'd be surprise to know the things
experienced in the last two months.
The tears I have shed,
leaving my eyes red and swollen,
like allergy attacks unmedicated.

You would see the pain,
The pain that pierced through my heart
Leaving it wounded and unaided
Not even a naked eye could see.

Why?
For the pain is hidden,
Buried deep onto the ground
Like golden treasure.
The pain I hide with a smile,
I dare not open for the world to know.

For all I know,
everything I have seen these last two months,
is not just a series of turmoils,
rather life changing in many ways
strengthening my weary soul
during the darkest times of my life.

© SHEJOY19

1054-1104

The Lake

The sun is raised

ablaze upon the heavenly skies
shining its rays
reflecting on water
where a sense of peace is found within the heart.
Peace within chaos surrounding my weary soul.
where hope is waiting to spring up,
like flowers blooming in spring time.
The scenic view of the lake
A heart that longs to find peace,

Wounded from fighting many battles on its own.

And longing to stand up from the ground

with its glistening water

providing a serene feeling in the heart,

enabling peace to surround it,

by gazing out the vast area of the never ending lake.

©SheJoy19

Forgiveness

Forgiveness.
What is Forgiveness?
An individual needing to be renounced for their fault.
A fault that has made the other party disappointed,
with an angry heart filled with so much hatred.

A heart that bleeds, as if wounded by a round of bullets.
A heart that aches when unleashing a wrath of words,
not meant to be said, but rather to be kept in silence.
A heart that yearns for a change of hope and hearts to change.
A heart that wants to forgive in silence even in the darkest times.
A heart that opens to the Lord about the struggles in forgiving,
is the heart that longs to be free and at peace in the days to come.

1548-1600

©SheJoy19